Poor Winnie – Part 1

He was one of the most annoying people I have ever met – the mold for the New Yorker everyone loves to hate. Every human descriptive with “self” as a preface could easily apply. I was introduced by a friend and learned that He was a translator for the United Nations – a perfect job for someone who wants professional tools to cut others with precision. A person like this will, however, need a constant audience to fan his ego and will likely run through unsuspecting victims rather quickly. I was one of them.

He believed everything had a price and that it could be quantified. One only needed to ascertain whether the value of a thing or proposition was worth the price to any given person. His favorite question to me was always, “How much is it worth to you?”

He lived on the Upper East Side. I visited His apartment once. On a tour of His home, every furnishing was pointed out and named, always prefaced by the brand or designer. I was to know that the ordinary or inexpensive did not belong here.

He had an outdoor garden (of course). It was here that I saw a moment of merit when He got into an argument over grammar with His close friend, also a translator for the UN. At one point, His friend, furious, declared that you absolutely could not use words in a particular way. He grabbed a paper napkin and began diagramming the sentence, something I had not seen since grade school. I don’t remember the outcome, but it did not involve the brand or cost of the napkin or pen – the weaponry of the argument.

At that time in New York City, nothing to me conferred status more than gaining admittance to the various hot clubs, places such as the Mudd Club, Xenon, and the most well-known, Studio 54. These places had arbitrary admission policies, and potential admitees were chosen from the throngs outside the door, completely at the whim of the bouncer and his criteria.

On one occasion, I became extremely excited to learn that He was a regular at Studio 54. When I asked about the prospect of getting in, He asked what it was worth to me. $10? $20? He also surveyed my appearance, knowing full well that I would be a challenge.

A large number of us made an excursion to Studio 54 with Him. I recall very little except carrying a crumpled bill in my sweaty hand and following Him in a line with the others like victims of river blindness. At one point He looked back and told me to run my fingers through my hair and “look rich.” I think He sensed the futility of getting our motley crew in before the bouncer rejected us, telling Him there were just too many to admit to the club. It did appear, however, that He did have rapport and clout with the bouncer. We failed, nonetheless.

In my few brief encounters, I did take away one thing of value, and that is about restaurants – dining is a business transaction. He had no tolerance for those restaurants that had menus without prices (such places do exist) or the common practice of waiters reciting specials without prices. You have the right to know the prices and asking is not improper. The management has already priced the offerings, so why hide it from the customer? I now never hesitate to ask a waiter the price of any special(s) I am interested in.

But as annoying as He was, I was to meet much worse in what is one of the finest (and most mysterious) restaurants in New York City and the waitress that had to serve him. My dining companion and I felt so badly for her. See why in Part 2 that we felt and said Poor Winnie 🙂

The Story of Ferris Butler, Part 2 (see Part 1 here)

I have just begun to review four huge emails with numerous attachments sent to me last night from Ferris Butler, including chapters of his upcoming memoir, biographical notes, outlines of his comedy writing, and stories of just the most extraordinary melange of life encounters I have ever read. Perhaps you are thinking, if he is that interesting, why haven’t they written a book or made a movie about him?

Oh, did they forget to tell you? They already did. Kind of. But no one knows for sure. Are you familiar with the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Then meet Ferris Butler, who is believed to have inspired the film character and the name and someone much more interesting than Ferris Bueller. Most of what I am about to tell you is as much a surprise to me as it will be to you. Ferris was extremely generous to give me the entire texts of chapters he has worked on for future publication in his memoirs.

In the interview I conducted with Ferris in the corridors of MNN, my nagging question was that of the relationship between Ferris Bueller and Ferris Butler. I was told by Ferris that he knew comedy legend Del Close, who not only found Ferris intriguing, but also once remarked to him that he would like to do a screenplay based on the character of Ferris Butler. Later, Del was not only in association with John Hughes, writer and director of the film, but appeared in the film as an actor. Paramount Pictures denies any such connection of course, saying the film was a creative work of fiction. Both Hughes and Close have passed away, so each of us will have to solve our own equation on this one. Personally, I believe Bueller = Butler.

When I met Ferris in 1970, he was an NYU senior in the film school and a frequent visitor to our dorm room. In the event we were eating anything, we were ALWAYS greeted with, “What are you guys eating?” Regardless of our response, he would invariably reply, “mm mm, my favorite.” Because FREE was really his favorite food and mooching his favorite currency, to be expected from a man who was always broke.

Sifting through the enormous amount of data Ferris supplied me with today reminded me of an occasion when he entered our dorm room and said he loved the Led Zeppelin song we were listening to – Dazed and Confused. So appropriate. After graduation from NYU, Ferris worked at Vita Herring in the consumer complaint department. Proud of his position of power, he told us how we could frame a letter to him at his new post and obtain free herring. What college student gets excited about free herring?

Welcome to the world of Ferris Butler. A man who is not easily forgotten and is still remembered by Martin Scorsese, one of his teachers at NYU film school and where Billy Crystal was also a classmate.
Ferris’ greatest solo creative endeavor was Waste Meat News, a half-hour satiric revue series, featured on local access cable TV from 1976-1980, which he wrote, directed, and produced. The inspiration came from his part-time office position at Channel 7’s Eyewitness News, where he came to the conclusion that “TV news is nothing but throwaway scraps, like sausages or hot dogs. Very little protein, like waste meat.” One of his signature pieces was the Leather Weather, later to be used by Saturday Night Live. Waste Meat News rose to the number one spot on cable at that time.

Some of his material, like the Trough Restaurant, appears to have been appropriated by others, such as Saturday Night Live. After failed attempts, Ferris was hired in 1980 as a comedy writer by Saturday Night Live (where he rewrote his classic Leather Weather skit) in its historic sixth season. A major moment in the life of any comedy writer.

But Ferris Butler, unlike the film character, has had more of a Life Off than a Day Off. Born in New York City in 1949, his life includes an extraordinary cast of characters, travels, residences, women, sexcapades, experiences, and jobs – taxi driver, office boy at ABC, work at the Metropolitan Opera, photographer, PR man for a chain of discos, press release writer/coordinator for Columbia Artists Management in 1986, comedy writer for SNL and the Playboy Channel, and his own TV cable series. He has lived in a number of cities – Las Vegas, New Mexico, London, San Francisco, and New York. In skimming over his accounts, I am honestly overwhelmed with his tales, like that of his meeting a woman named Roach (whom he introduced us to in college), who was living in the East Village with Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead, whom Ferris also met.

In 1974, Ferris married Beverly Ross, a “voluptuous, intense brilliant artist, one of rock’s founding females.” Best known for her big hit song from the 1950s, “Lollipop,” Beverly has been a prolific songwriter and stage writer (they were later divorced and are now living together again in Manhattan).

In 1987, Ferris received a family inheritance of $500,000. A life of indulgence and gambling quickly disposed of this booty, leaving Ferris in a position he knew best – penniless and on the brink of disaster. Ferris would file for personal bankruptcy more than once.

Since December 2003, the Ferris Butler Program has been running on Manhattan Time Warner Cable Television, Channel 57 at 11:30 PM on Sundays. This program originally consisted of Ferris doing monologue comedy and satire on various news and cultural subjects, and several songs of a Sinatra style. It now has a cast that consists of Ferris, co-host, standup comedian Mike Fine, and a variety of other guest characters.

In interviewing Ferris, I was astounded at the people he has met, known, or worked with. A veritable who’s who in entertainment, comedy, and public life – Bella Abzug, Philip Roth, Larry David, Jerry Stiller, Jackie Mason, David Frost, Milton Berle, James Earl Jones, Matthew Broderick (who played Ferris Bueller), John Lennon, Rosie O’Donnell, Howard Stern, Quentin Tarantino, Gloria Steinem, Truman Capote, Andy Warhol, Gov. Elliot Spitzer, the Pointer Sisters, Gloria Gaynor, and Jerry Garcia, to name a few.

This story could just as easily fallen under the umbrella of my story series “Abandon All Preconceived Notions Ye Who Enter Here” or “Meetings with Remarkable Men” (see Part 1 here) – as long as multiple bankruptcy or near hits and misses do not preclude remarkableness. You are not going to find Ferris under any single umbrella, and he is not going to fit in any box very well. This story has only been a rough sketch, an outline. I’m waiting for the book and the movie, Ferris Butler’s Life Off. You saw the trailer here. I’ll meet you in line 🙂

Related Abandon All Preconceived Notions stories: Gaby Lampkey, Jenn Kabacinski Part 2, Jenn Kabacinski Part 1, Driss Aqil

The Story of FJB, Part 1

Have you ever met someone so unusual that their ability to sustain themselves is itself one of the biggest mysteries in your life? Someone whose life seems like it is defined by confusion and always careening towards disaster? And yet, somehow, these individuals survive without any apparent livelihood and with sources of income as mysterious as the riddle of the universe.

Often, quirkiness is merely an affectation or a fashion statement. Or perhaps it is an expression of a strain of individualism, but deep down lies a serious, responsible adult with a career. Our friend Jenn (see Part 1 and Part 2) is a good example. But other times, the quirkiness runs all way the way through and no matter how deep you dig, the inside is just as offbeat as the outside, perhaps even more so. I know such a person.

During my years as student at NYU and resident of the Brittany dormitory, our room became a nexus of sorts with all manner of people coming and going, a virtual real life TV sitcom such as Friends, where apparently no one has a lonely moment and a social life comes with no effort.

Visitors included both students and outsiders. Often, we had no idea how or where these people came from, but for a newcomer to the Jungle, it was a dream come true. Every day was filled with adventure and bristled with excitement. One day we met a college senior, FJB, whom we befriended past his graduation. He was truly quirky.
I had lost contact with him, and about a year ago he called at my office, saying he had followed my business career. He also told me that he had a TV program that airs weekly on MNN.* I watched the show a number of times, seeing his odd character sneaking out of his weekly shtick.

I met with FJB this summer for the first time in nearly 40 years. I recently proposed the idea to do a story on him, and he readily agreed. I met and interviewed him, appropriately in a corridor at MNN.
People love to throw around words like quirky, maverick, iconoclast, oddball, or offbeat. Trust me, however, that in this case, FJB truly fits the word quirky. How much so? Enough that seminal comedy legend Del Close once commented to him that he would love to do a film involving FJB’s unusual character.

Tomorrow you will meet this man (see Part 2 here), someone virtually unknown but whose comedy writing credits include Saturday Night Live. You will read a story that has never been told anywhere, about a man who has good reason to believe that his character was used in a major motion picture with a title eerily close to his own name. He is a native New Yorker, born and bred. I do so love that, because there’s no character like the offbeat New Yorker, where everything is just slightly askew or off kilter, right down to his missing big toe 🙂

*Manhattan Neighborhood Network (MNN) is a non-profit organization that broadcasts programming on four public access stations in New York City, located at 537 W. 59th Street. It facilities and equipment free for individuals and groups to produce shows for its network.