Payback, payola, quid pro quo, freebies, gratuities – New York City is mired in the various forms of “free” or discounts. The small business owner should express gratitude to the regular customer in some way. In the world of restaurants, policy and practices span the gamut in New York City, from one extreme to another. I am currently experiencing both extremes. In one case, a restaurant I have frequented weekly for over ten years has never offered me anything free other than the requisite water. Nothing. At the other end, a new restaurant I am currently frequenting has been offering me free appetizers and/or desserts at every visit for nearly a year. The owner is rolling out the red carpet, and I am being treated like family.

Free, however, may not always be the best thing for either party. I have given a lot of thought to this because of a very poignant incident that happened when I was much younger. At the time, I was making handcrafted items, and a close friend told me that he wanted to buy one of my products. I was pleased, and in the conversation that ensued, I mentioned that I would, of course, give him some sort of discount. To which he replied that he wanted no discount, but insisted on paying full retail. I was very perplexed by this and asked why. Isn’t a discount to be expected with business between friends? His answer still lingers in my mind today, decades later. No, he said, if you are truly a friend, then you want to see your friends do well and succeed. A friend should be the most willing to pay full price and refuse a discount. Of course, the individuals’ affluence relative to one another needs to be taken into account also.

This philosophy was echoed many, many years later, when another friend, who was a consultant and on the board of directors for a small performance group, told me that he paid for admission to all of the group’s performances. This appeared to be insane to me. When I asked why, his reasoning was the same as my aforementioned friend – he was a patron of the arts and wanted them to succeed. He pointed out that the idea of refusing freebies also serves the customer or patron – helping a business survive provides a continued source of a product or service.

The issue of freebies in restaurants, however, poses a dilemma with regards to all these issues of showing customer appreciation and the customer’s reciprocal support. Once an owner or staff member surprises with free food, such as an appetizer or dessert, it would be insulting (and perhaps wasteful) to refuse it. Insisting that it be added to the bill will most likely be met with refusal. And leaving an unusually large tip does not compensate the ownership, where ultimately, the act of generosity lies. So, in the case of restaurant offerings, I follow the advice of someone who once suggested: if someone offers you a gift, take it 🙂

Photo Note: This free piece of Tiramisu was offered to my dining companion and myself last night at Boyd Thai, a great little place that I wrote about in 2007.

You think you know tenacity? You do not know tenacity until you are acquainted with the Hands On A Hard Body competition and men like Benny Perkins and Philip Calhoun. I do hold tenacity in high regard (see my story Perfect Attendance here) – but the Hands on a Hard Body competition is horrifying and extreme.

In 1997, a documentary film was made about this annual endurance contest in at a Nissan dealership in Longview, Texas, where 24 contestants see who can keep one hand on a Nissan pickup truck for the longest time. No leaning, no crouching. There are five minute breaks every hour and fifteen minute breaks every six hours. The last one standing wins the truck. There are many repercussions, including hallucinations and worse.* The record was 92 hours and 40 minutes in 1998 by Calhoun.

Benny Perkins won in 1992. I first heard of Benny and this contest in a radio program and interview. A person that wins a contest like this is much more than just tenacious, perhaps a little frightening. This is best illustrated by Benny’s remark to one remaining competitor:
“I told Dan, the guy I was with, I said, ‘You’re standing next to the devil and this is the ride to hell. I’ll stand here ’til the day you die, so you might as well drop out now.”
When I heard him say this in his own voice, along with things like “You go slowly insane. Your mind has got to rest – the body can work 24 hours a day, but your mind has got to rest,” I had many thoughts, including just give him that truck.

If I had the tenacity of Perkins or Calhoun, perhaps I could have waited outside 125 Thompson Street with my hands on the door until someone came or left. For decades I have walked by this large nondescript building in SoHo, hoping for some human activity but only seeing the small brass plaque: 125 Thompson Street. Franciscan Friars. Province of the Immaculate Conception.

Some, who love a good mystery or conspiracy, might imagine something like the Illuminati, with a covert masterplan for a New World Order. Others, like my mother, would feel that I am wasting my time and that There’s Nothing Here. A phone call confirmed the more reasonable – that 125 Thompson Street serves as a monastery and offices for the local Franciscan congregation, who have been in the area for 150 years. The Franciscan Brothers are a tenacious group, working hard and quietly, living a life in the manner of Francis of Assisi to bring their ministry around the world and, like Benny’s admonition, trying to save others from the ride to hell…

*The contest was discontinued in 2005 because one contestant, Richard Thomas Vega II, crossed a street, broke into a Kmart store, took a gun from a case, and shot himself. His wife sued and settled in 2008 with Patterson Nissan of Longview. His wife alleged that the dealership was negligent in organizing and conducting the contest and likened the stress and sleep deprivation to “brainwashing.” She said the Nissan dealership failed to provide a safe environment for contestants who “temporarily lost their sanity.”